Fell sick a week back, still in the process of recovering, which probably was prolonged cause of a case of stomach flu that set in later on top of a regular flu. Couple days were pure hell but the rest was just me tied together with my best pal - box of tissue.

Been slacking way too much on school and other things in my personal life as well. I'm too caught up in things that don't matter and I can't find enough in me to bother about things that actually do. Fandom is consuming all my time and I'm really ashamed with that, and I've been neglecting my books and even my family. After Jay's showcase/autograph session I'm really done with fandom for the rest of the year (hopefully) and I really do need to get down to real business and not neglect my parents and sister at the same time.

I've always thought of my sister to be rather lackadaisical and yet managing pretty well in school and with other commitments and she always did seem to enjoy those commitments, save for the occasional grumble. And today came as pretty much of a shocker when she just expressed her outright annoyance with those commitment(s) and wanted to just drop them once and for all. Sometimes I really do forget that she's going through more or less what I'm going through and if I'm here barely passing subjects and struggling with school like a fish out of water with almost no commitments anymore, she must have had a hard time. Thank goodness Mom was a good sport with it, and hopefully everything works out fine :3

I still do have big aspirations but day by day I feel a miniscule part of it dying and fading away into oblivion, taking with it some glimmer of hope. So few people can incorporate work into play and... even fewer can make a proper living out of it - and I know I'm neither of the two. I'm in need of some inspiration, some answers, some time alone. I shall take a weekend to hideout in a fairly-populated coffeehouse with Murakami, my planner and my thoughts.

Secured tickets for Jay's autograph session and showcase. Am just missing that one tiny portion to make things perfect, but hmm.. What has become of me.

Squandered my weekend away. Woke up @ 1PM on Saturday with 11 odd hours of sleep - pure quality sleep *__* Went out with Mommy and SS and ate at Itacho Sushi, which was REALLY good. Spent today queuing for the Jay Park showcase tix but only managed the Silver one. Sort of disappointed but... hmmm. Could possibly have gone earlier to queue for the tickets but....oh well.

This ain't the kind of thing I should be worrying myself with right now but... #scumbag brain

CTs are finally over :333 Barely confident for my Chemistry and Biology papers, I came up with new mechanisms, theories and what not in these 2 papers. The teachers are going to judge me so bad while marking my papers :<

Lazed my Friday away before heading for tuition + yummy noms at Yayoiken with JR, the rice eating champion ehehe. Probably going to laze my day away tomorrow as well albeit out of the house, before getting home to my beloved carbonyl compounds tutorial.

Been listening to 10cm recently. It started off with just their classic "Americano" and thanks to the YT related videos bar, I just listened to a whole lot of their songs. My favourite has to be 오늘밤은 어둠이 무서워요 (Tonight I'm Afraid Of The Dark), they have really soothing voices. And Jina recommended Geek's Officially Missing You , and even though it's just another of many renditions of the original version, its still really good. The thing with pop albums is that I usually don't particularly like more than 2/3 tracks on the entire CD, there are exceptions of course, but with 10cm its not the case - almost all their songs have the "replayability" (◄ just invented a new word right there!) and the thing that gets me the most is their voices, ugh its like liquid silk.

I really do want to find some time to start reading again, want to sit down somewhere with a good drink and read, without having to worry about anything else. That said, in recent times, I find it harder and I require more motivation to pick up a non-Murakami book and actually read. Which is outright ironic since reading Murakami is more mentally exhausting than other other author I've read. Used to be a huge fan of chick literature but after being exposed to Murakami, I'm starting to lose interest in them. I do have great memories of chick literature though, those were one of the only type of books I could easily go through in one seating and it more often than not, fed me with satisfying endings that aren't unlike those of fairytales. And for those who've read, reading or are gonna read 1Q84, this article brings up certain frank and interesting points that kind of made me rethink the novel and realise certain things that I missed.

Longest entry I've done in a while. Shall leave this really really cute song that mentions a lot of food here - Sweet Rice Cake by Haha and 10cm. Ought to pounce on my bed soon, its already 230AM. Night night night!

I leave you at the brink of a far mountain and turn away
I tell time to let me go (to let me go)
Even as I hold voices that resemble yours to my heart,
Why couldn't I ask you to come with me?

Sending You Away, Yoon Do Hyun, 1994


Beautiful song that I heard once on a show, and couldn't get it out of my head. And it's so old I can't even find a proper copy of it.

Had a semi-serious talk with the parents today, and I can say I am undeserving of such supportive, amazing parents. Which makes me doubt my behaviour and actions sometimes, when I take my anger out on them, when I go into an exam and just be like "Oh, fuck this shit". And there they are, telling me not to worry, that they'd buy me supplements to help me with my studying, buying me good food on the weekends cause they know I'm stressed out with school, telling me to work hard and that they'd pay for my education and support me all the way. I'm beyond grateful and it wrenches my heart so bad cause I know how hard they worked for everything today. They started off with barely anything and to own and have everything that I have today, its all owing to them and yet I'm such a failure of a daughter. In a year from now, I cannot imagine how they'd feel if I came back with sub-par A-Level results. This coupled with the reality of seniors taking their results on Friday, I really really need to start working hard and aiming for my dreams.

I really do hope, I'll be back here in a year, reading this post and telling myself "Atta girl!

Valentine's was pretty much another regular day, minus the fail! birthday surprise we tried to give Sijia, + little presents and notes from friends. I'm really impressed by the effort some people put in to bake cookies/cupcakes and write personal notes for Valentine's for friends. I never did bother to do so in these 6 years, and I don't particularly feel bothered by that, unfortunately(?). Although I must admit I do feel a twinge of guilt when I accept a present/note on V-day and I don't have one to give in return. But I do have plans in my puny little brain for year end presents/ notes that will hopefully materialise. ^^

Never have been much of a pictures person, but..I will try to post more pictures, from my phone, since my camera has almost assumed a permanent position on an obscure corner on my desk. I really do need to put it back in the dry box though.

Meeting Joey on Thursday, after 468547 months of not seeing her. Andddddd awesome dinner plans for Saturday, excited :3

Special thanks to Gwenanana for listening to my rants today, and almost always being the recipient for my angsty verbal vomit. Saaanks ♡♡♡
Back to my macro-econs now ;A;

School's finally started for real, anddddd I'm already feeling the effects of dragging myself out of the bed every single morning just to get to school.

Had a Math quiz on day 2 of school but it was okay, I guess? And I do actually feel like I can do well in Math for the first time in 3 years, ever since I started failing Math horribly. The teacher for H1 Math is also scarily nice, almost primary school level nice, and its comforting and yet a teeny bit unnerving too.

Day 1 of Orientation was just ridiculous, and boring as f. Was feeling really grumpy but thank goodness for good company :) Day 2 was much better with Gold Rush and DOTA (minus the mudpool ofc). ^^

Its been almost 3 months since I'd bought my copy of 1Q84, and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm only on page 449 out of 925 pages. And just 2 months back I was poring through Sputnik Sweetheart, South of the Border West of the Sun in under a week each. Every time I sit myself down at my desk and pick up my copy of 1Q84, it ends up being a situation where the book sits between me and my laptop and my arms simply stretch around the edges of the book and use the laptop, even if it means mindlessly scrolling through pages and pages of my Tumblr dashboard and hitting the 'reblog' button a couple times. Even right now, 1Q84 sits between me and my laptop, and I'm here typing this out.

I'd always envied people who'd go to Starbucks or quaint coffeeshops and just plop down with a book and a good cup of coffee and spend their afternoon there. Usually my weekends are spent replenishing sleep, rushing out homework, or having alternate plans so I can never ever get down to doing that. The only downside to this is that 1Q84 is really big and heavy, definitely not a book that I can slip into my bag without shredding my bag into pieces. But then, I must do that one of these days before school gets insanely hectic again.

Sleep beckons, and tomorrow's another long day before the weekends :3 Night night!